Status Updates That Don't Suck

It's kind of creepy for me to post someone else’s Facebook status updates, I know, but this woman (who I used to work with) has the BEST updates. So funny...

• Golf, wine, mountain climbing, a house with two pools,and lazyboy recliner--the pictures Porter {her son} cut out and glued on his "favorite things circle map"
• Chocolate cupcake batter stains on my workout clothes...not sure where to go from here...
• ‎--Parent-teacher conference--he can sit still during group time, likes his routine and will kick another child's ass if they take his legos more than twice. All great insights, thanks for 45 minutes of your time...
• The sign read "Due to national product shortage, Walmart will not be able to provide customers all varieties of frozen Eggo Waffle products".
• Damn, they really do understand everything you say- As I stopped for gas-"Mommy you are wasting my time, I need you to hurry up so I have time to play and watch a video before bed." 13 more years until he moves out, at least for a little awhile...
• While every adult knows that fish are given the porcelain bowl funeral, it is a little rough on a 4 yr old when the school official forgot to flush. Ride home and dinner conversation--mommy how to we get heaven? Is it on a rocket ship? An airplane? Not sure sweetie mommy is on the bullet train to hell. Go ask your father when he gets home.
• Thank you preschool class 110 teachers. I really enjoyed the "family tree" assignment. Our family's dysfunction is much more tolerable when I get to use construction paper and a glue stick. I would love to watch Porter talk his classmates through this one...