Flash forward to Saturday night. First, we didn't exactly blend in with the crowd. Partly because we're white, but mostly because our fellow luau attendees were all 60+. The invitation noted that this was a BYOB event, so (thank you sweet, sweet baby Jesus) we grabbed a bottle of Maker's Mark on our way. Once we saw what we were in for we headed straight to the concession stand to get some ice and mixers. Baffled at why we wouldn't want a "set-up" for just $4, we took the concession stand attendant's advice and – like everyone else – got ourselves a set-up. What's a set-up, you ask (and we asked, but nobody else asked because duh, who doesn't know that)? Not only does a set-up provide enough ice for the evening, it also comes with a delightful selection of olives and maraschino cherries. Yesssir.
So, set-up in hand we headed to our table. Matt's client had generously ensured that we were right on the dance floor, so we made our way to table 33 and sat down. By ourselves. Because none of Matt's co-workers showed up. We'll get to the one exception, who showed up 2 hours into it, in a minute.
This is about the time we realized that the 60+ crowd knows how to throw down on the dance floor (I don't know what happened to the music in the video, but just imagine San Antonio's hottest Latino band blowing it up). This is also when we learned that there were bags of kettle corn for sale and that the DJ wasn't going to let a single bag go unbought. I suggested a drinking game for every time the DJ said "kettle corn" but Matt vetoed, and that was probably for the best. It's at some point in here that we hear shrieking across the room and find out that a lovely couple has decided to take their relationship to the next level with an engagement. The night really had it all...
Like any respectable event, there were a variety of gift baskets being raffled off. These baskets were loaded with culinary delicacies such as beef jerkey and Fritos bean dip (I swear I'm not kidding). There were also some more faith-based baskets, like the one with a twin-pack of rosaries. Think his and hers. Being the bean dip loving man that he is – not at all because his client was standing there – Matt bought some tickets.
Shortly after that, a very socially lubed man (Dave) invited us over to his table. Think the "party table." That's about the same time Matt's co-worker, Eric, joined us after an abrupt ending to a date (turns out not telling the person you're dating that you have a kid is a deal-breaker). Like Matt, he also bought some raffle tickets (what his reason was, I have no idea...maybe he genuinely likes bean dip). Being the lucky people we are, Matt and I are now the proud owners of a beautiful angel stitching. And Eric is not. He didn't win. Although he thought he did which makes things even more fun. Before the raffle began he asked if he should do a cartwheel if he won. Obviously, I encouraged him. Profusely. So they started reading numbers and he did a double take and said, "Wait, I think I won! Did I win?" To which I responded with a lot of fist-pumping and screaming, "You won, you won!" I had no idea what number was read, but it sounded like he did. That's when he proceeded to run out on the dance floor and do a cartwheel...much to my delight. Unfortunately Matt missed the cartwheel, but he did get a picture of the run. The other unfortunate part (yet fortunate at the same time) was that by the time Eric got out there, an older lady had already accepted the prize. That was hers. Not his. Oopsies!
The rest of the night entailed a lot more laughing, dancing (more so with Dave than Matt), and an empty bottle of whiskey. Despite the ridiculousness that placed us there, we had so much fun. It's those totally random nights that are sometimes the best!
Holy cow this is long. Super, super long. But there was too much that happened not to document it all. So here it is. For ever and ever. Amen.
